February 07, 2008

It's been one of those days.
Too much to do and not enough time.
High hopes met with dissapointments.
Struggling to communicate effectivly.
Trying to be prepared and falling short.
Expectations.
Emotional Rollercoaster.
Meetings and classes.

On the way home tonight at 11pm, I hit a black labrador that was standing in the middle of a pitch black night on the yellow line. I heard the sound before I saw him flying through the air.

Sick to my stomach.
Panic.
I'm so sorry.

I can still hear him yelping in the middle of the road and then crawling down the side into a ditch. I went to the closest house, the one with the beautiful horses that I love to look at. It was their dog. "She always stands in the road", they said. "Is she dead?" I don't know. She couldn't stand on her back legs. I feel paralyzed. They have other dogs and as I stand in the driveway telling them where she is, another black dog walks up to me and looks at me with big eyes. It's her mother. The lump in my throat rises to the top. The young guy jumps on a four wheeler and goes to look for her and she's hidden herself in the trees and brush. I don't know what to do.

I feel so sad.

I'm in my husbands car again too. The same one that I hit a deer in 6 months ago and had a $1700 bill. I don't dare look at the car. I'm afraid to tell him when I get home. Not because he will be mad at me, but because I was really wanting him to be the "safe place" that I was coming home to.
And I just don't want to say it.

Everyone was alseep when I walked in the door. I feel a little relief but a lot of lonely.
Ugh.

8 comments:

Rachel said...

That sounds like such a rough day. I'm so sorry. I hope today has been better so far. I know what those days are like.

ASHONTHELAWN said...

i am so sorry shawna!

Six Simms Singing said...

I'm so sorry, Shawna. :( In my opinion, you seemed to accomplish a lot yesterday. I know you felt terrible about the dog, though.

I'm sorry. I love you.

Perceptions Photography said...

Shawna- I had tears in my eyes reading that story. I am so sorry.

Rebekah said...

awww, I'm so sorry Shawna. I've never driven much so I'm worried about hitting something. I hope you get cheered up girl, and remember that only God can be your completely "safe place." ~ "My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand." Love ya girl, be praying for you.

Jane said...

OMG I am sooo sorry!! I hope tommorrow is a better day for you!

Shawna Herring Photography said...

Thanks everyone, for your sympathy. The follow up to the story is that the dog is dead, the car has $800 worth of damage, and the law says that the owners violated the leash law and they are responsible for the damage. That sucks. Talk about a very unfortunate situation. Steve and i went to their house twice today to talk to them about it. The dog was still in the ditch, there were plenty of cars in the drive, and nobody answered. My heart nearly pounded out of my chest. I mean, can you imagine? "I'm sorry that I killed your dog but you'll need to cover the damage to my car."
Gosh, I'm just sick about the whole thing.

Six Simms Singing said...

I came back before I started my day to see if you updated. I'm so sorry, Shawna. :( I will definitely keep you guys in my prayers.