It's been one of those days.
Too much to do and not enough time.
High hopes met with dissapointments.
Struggling to communicate effectivly.
Trying to be prepared and falling short.
Meetings and classes.
On the way home tonight at 11pm, I hit a black labrador that was standing in the middle of a pitch black night on the yellow line. I heard the sound before I saw him flying through the air.
Sick to my stomach.
I'm so sorry.
I can still hear him yelping in the middle of the road and then crawling down the side into a ditch. I went to the closest house, the one with the beautiful horses that I love to look at. It was their dog. "She always stands in the road", they said. "Is she dead?" I don't know. She couldn't stand on her back legs. I feel paralyzed. They have other dogs and as I stand in the driveway telling them where she is, another black dog walks up to me and looks at me with big eyes. It's her mother. The lump in my throat rises to the top. The young guy jumps on a four wheeler and goes to look for her and she's hidden herself in the trees and brush. I don't know what to do.
I feel so sad.
I'm in my husbands car again too. The same one that I hit a deer in 6 months ago and had a $1700 bill. I don't dare look at the car. I'm afraid to tell him when I get home. Not because he will be mad at me, but because I was really wanting him to be the "safe place" that I was coming home to.
And I just don't want to say it.
Everyone was alseep when I walked in the door. I feel a little relief but a lot of lonely.